Ep. 02 – “Arguments and Authentic Transparency’ – Heavy Breathing Just Before Midnight with Sandi Maki

In this Episode:  I’ve been having an argument with you in my head and I am losing, & why authentic transparency is so scary.

Heavy Breathing Just Before Midnight: Episode 2

As long as the microphone is what it is, this series will not be able to get a new name, even if I wanted it to!

After you’ve listened, if you have thoughts or comments, I’d love to hear them, so please share!

Wow… authentic transparency at its finest. This is Sandi Maki, back again for another podcast episode of random musings and a little bit of fun. So, if you have tuned in yesterday and listened to the podcast, you would have heard that it was the first in what I intend to have as a series of many podcasts exploring kind of cool and interesting things. The reason for doing it is I thought it would be a little bit of fun. I have random trains of thought that probably run through my head almost every moment of every day. I know that we could look at all of the studies of how many thoughts we have any given day, how many are original thoughts and how many are just rehashing the same thoughts over and over and over again. Something interesting to take a look at, an excellent book on the topic is Managing Thought by Mary Lore, a friend of mine who wrote an interesting book on the topic, and it would help if you are exploring the thought that you are thinking about your thought and what you would like to be able to do with those to influence yourself for good and positive changes in your life, I think that you might want to take a peek at it.

So let me talk about some of the thoughts that I have been having since releasing and hitting publish on this venture since yesterday. Authentic transparency is scary. It is scary because I think that we spend so much time worrying about what other people think and about how they are going to react that we forget that it is really more about us and how we are going to react. One of the other things that you will probably notice in these first several episodes that I do is I am having a dialogue in my head as I am speaking the words, whether or not to use the word “I” or to use the words “we” or “you.” I know, intellectually, that when I use the word “I” to explain thoughts that I am having it is a lot more powerful than when I say “you,” because when I say “you,” you cannot really relate to you. It is a little bit more ambiguous and a little bit less direct. When I say “I” by way of an example or anything else, then it is more easily internalized. I am having a little bit of a struggle with “Who am I to say ‘I’ all the time?” So that will be an interesting thing that we will explore in the conversations that are still forthcoming. How about if “I” will be exploring that in conversations that I am having as we move forward.

Okay, this is just off to a great start! One of the thoughts that I was thinking this evening was about a conversation that I had in my head with myself, and I really remember having this moment of awareness that came out of the conversation in my head that I was having with myself. So to set the situation up, I was in the office one day, thinking to myself about how a conversation with my business partner was going to go, and I was coming up with all of the scenarios in my head, “Well, I could say this and this and this,” and then he could respond with “this and this and this,” and this is how I would go if this happens, and this is how it would go if this happens, and I was growing frustrated as a result of having this dialogue in my head with myself about how I thought this other conversation would go. I ended up saying out loud, to him, “So, I’m having a conversation with you in my head. Actually, it’s kind of an argument and I’m losing, so I’m mad at you.” Think about that. How silly is it that a conversation that I was having in my head with somebody else had me on the losing end and then my mood and my spirit were being affected. That was a moment of awareness for me, especially when I said it out loud, and I said it out loud on purpose because I wanted to be able to look at that and examine just how much sense it made or how ridiculous it was. Well, when I think about it, it was a pretty ridiculous thought, the fact that I was in control of everything that was going on in my head and still it was not coming out in my favor, so my question is for you is the same question that I asked myself: Where else am I doing this in my life and how can I change that to turn things around. I was able to look at that conversation and reframe it as well as steer it in the direction that I wanted it to go, where instead of me not winning, everybody was winning because it was working out exactly like it was supposed to, and I don’t mean supposed to as if there is a way that it’s supposed to, but working out in a way that would be in the best interest of everybody involved.

I think we do that a lot of the time when it comes down to authentic transparency as well. If I am having thoughts about a conversation that I will be having with somebody, I am more than likely to run through several different scenarios in my head, “Well, if I say this, then this is what could happen… and if this is the response, then this is where we will go with it.” Sometimes I could overanalyze something to the point that by the time I get into the actual conversation, I am already kind of bored by the topic or I really don’t want to go any further with it because I have already run through all of the possible options in my head and then nothing that happens in real life is going to bring that to a happy conclusion. I would encourage everyone to take a look at the conversations in they are having in their head, and when you are in one of those scenarios where you are running through things that are going to be coming up in the future, because a lot of this will deal with things that we anticipate will be coming up, maybe we are afraid of having the conversation, maybe we are worried, and maybe we are apprehensive. There can be any number of reasons that we are running through all of these scenarios in our head, and we really have no control over any moment other than the moment that we are in with the thoughts that we are having right now, so we find ourselves having thoughts about moments that yet to come. I would hope that we could step back and take a look at those and decide that it doesn’t matter right now in this moment what I think might happen in the next moment; why don’t I just deal with this moment, as it is here, and deal with that moment when it gets here? As much as this applies to those conversations in our heads, it applies to us being authentic with ourselves and with others and it deals with being transparent, because a lot of the times when we are trying to work through those scenarios in our head. I know when I’m trying to work through those scenarios in my head it is all because I would like to put my best foot forward; I would like to make sure that people take things from me the way that I meant them; I would like to influence the conversation to come out the way that I would like to see that happen.

So what if instead of having all of these hypothetical conversations, we waited for it to actually happen and we just practiced being a little bit more transparent and authentic in the moment. I wonder where that would lead us? Hmm. Maybe that would lead to where I am right now in this moment airing just a little bit of my fear about being real with you.